Student Disappearances Mystify School

Dateline: Lake Forest, IL
Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Students in LFHS English classes mysteriously vanished today only days before the annual spring break is set to begin. Teachers throughout the school expressed concern that something dark and ominous is afoot as their class sizes dwindled ever closer to zero.

"I was talking to my class about probability," one math teacher said, "and two of the girls simply disappeared!" The astonished instructor, who asked that her name be withheld, said that the class had been about half its usual size when it had begun. "But then those two vanish. I mean what are the odds?"

Wellness classes on Tuesday morning had to combine with choir classes in order to have enough people for games, creating the unusual experience of Ultimate Frisbee and a Capella Chorus, a hybrid contest that was won by a team that, upon catching the winning toss, immediately leapt into a five-part harmony of "Oops, I Did It Again."

Karen Topham, English teacher, reported that her casses were notably smaller than normal. "I'm just hoping that by Thursday they'll all be gone and I can take an extra day off," she said, apparently without any curiosity about where they've all gone. "Oh, kids disappear all the time here. I hardly notice anymore."

E3H: anouilh's antigone: the boards are calling to you!

E2H: sonny's blues: the boards are calling to you, too! and don't forget that you have a paper due thursday!

Drama: stan the man continued...

random thought of the day: Never stand between a dog and a tree.